why I don't need to white water raft ... ever. again.

Usually if there is something that intimidates me - or makes my heart race while contemplating - I am drawn to that thing. The second the thought passes through my mind, "No, I can't do that" or "No, that sounds scary or dangerous" ... instantly I want to do it. It's a game I play with my mind, trying to overcome my fears and always try new things.

Such has always been the case with White Water Rafting. Something about bouncing around and through frothy, angry water, doesn't exactly appeal to me. In the slightest. But that is exactly the reason I went the first time... the second and third time ... and the fourth time.

The first time was in High School, maybe 1998, while still in Ohio. A large group of boys were traveling out East to Virginia for a two-day white water rafting camping adventure. My sister and I were invited, and I think we were the only girls. (Sign me up!) (That, and my High School boyfriend was going to be there) I think I've heard too many stories of people falling out of the raft, going over the falls, and getting stuck underwater despite the life jacket. So ... all I need to do is stay in the raft.

But apparently that's beyond me. I even happen to be the only person between our two rafts that falls out of the boat. But it wasn't really my fault, see, because one of the big waves we came down on made my boyfriend stick both of his arms out quickly to balance himself, and he knocked me backwards in to the water. I went over the falls, I think it was a grade 3 or 4, and was able to climb in right afterwards. Not TOO bad not to go again, right?

The second and third time came a couple years later in 2000, during our college years. My sister Nicki and I were again camping with a youth group, this time in Eastern Oregon at the Deschutes. Nicki and I were newer to Oregon, and still getting to know several people. A cute boy I crushed on was going, so we tagged along, despite my fearful butterflies. (Yes, there is a theme here)


My sister Nicki and I, during college

This time we went in kayaks. My sister and I were in the same one. And again, we were the only kayak to flip. Remembering this time still gets my heart racing though. It was a grade 4 drop, with large rocks and a lot of underpull. Our kayak got sideways a little, and then plummeted and rolled, right at the base of the falls. We were literally stuck upside down in the kayak, one of my worst nightmares. I held my breath and kicked and fought myself free, finally coming loose and getting swept quickly downstream, bumping into rocks. That wasn't the worst part though - the worst part was knowing that I had been the first one out of the kayak, and was now swept away, not able to help my sister or tell if she was going to make it. Instead of facing forward and putting my feet ahead of me like you should when going down rushing water, I stayed backwards, watching my kayak get smaller, hitting more rocks until I finally saw my sister free herself as well. After calming down on the side of the river bank, we hesitantly made it down the rest of the river ok.
Now here's the part that boggles me though. The group was headed back to the top of the river to go a second time, and they were able to somehow convince me that I cannot end on a scary experience like that. I needed to end my water rafting day with a positive run. The boy I crushed on --- who had never before flipped a kayak --- offered to take me and my sister with him. It was supposed to be a nice easy ride down the river. (A, their reasoning kind of made sense. When you fall off the horse, you get back on. and B, we are talking about the guy I crushed on - the reason I was even there in the first place!)

But such was not the case. Somehow we tipped again, on the second worst falls in the Deschutes River.

I'm beginning to see that the theme here is me.

There were another three years before my fourth white water rafting trip - also down the Deschutes in Oregon - this time with my husband, and a large adult group taking up three or four rafts.

My hottie husband, Ben, white water rafting trip, Deschutes

I can't say exactly what got me there again, other than the fact that my husband and I were just making new friends ... and there were a lot of women going who I didn't consider exactly tough, and the thought of saying "no" made me ashamed of myself. Only this time, I didn't fall out, and I am going to leave it at that. Been there, done that, finished on a positive note, don't need to do it ever again. :)